The one who forgives an offense seeks love,
Proverbs 17:9 NET
but whoever repeats a matter separates close friends.
How do you respond when someone hurts you, especially someone you care about? It may be by something they said or did. Or something they didn’t say or do. The offense may even have been unintentional. But the hurt is real regardless of the mode or intention.
This proverb provides us with two different ways to respond to an offense. And the consequences of both extend to other people. The first, and hardest, response is to forgive. For most of us, forgiving does not come easy. I know that my initial reaction is typically to respond negatively, to hurt them back.
One form that takes is the other response mentioned here, to tell others about that hurt–to gossip about it. Telling others about my hurt can make me feel better, especially if they sympathize with me. But it often is at the expense of the one who hurt me, magnifying their guilt and minimizing my part in it.
So why should I forgive rather than tell others what happened? Forgiving is healing, while repeating the offense is destructive. As the proverb says, the one who forgives seeks love, while the one who repeats it causes division. I demonstrate love when I forgive the offense and seek reconciliation with the one who hurt me.
And this is so important within a community of believers. Hurts will invariably come when we share our lives together. When those hurts come, we have a choice. Will we forgive and promote love and unity within the body? Or will we tell others about the hurt, allowing it to cause division?
